pfft.

I think im becoming a very angsty child.
everything seems to piss me off more easily these days.
could it be im growing up and this is how im gonna be like?
or could it just be that my period is coming and my
PMS is just blown out of proportion?

sometimes i really wonder what i want.
be it time or be it whether im just over pussy-fied
of being hurt. or be it hard or just cause im too darn lazy.

in this point of time in life, im supposed to be making
decisions for my own self. but how do i do that when
im a person who is too darn fickle.

And somehow i just wish money wasnt important in this world.
and everyone could just the luxurious life and not choose
to stay at home while all your friends go out and have fun
just cause you wish to save that stupid amount of money.

Or how you could go to all the interesting places with people
and not pull them down to a cheaper place just cause you dont
have enough cash on you.

Or how you cannot even begin to name nice places to go to just
cause you're thinking about the withering number of stupid
notes in your wallet. So in turn just making you look like
the most boring person on earth.

Sometimes i just wonder what life has in store for me
and how come i was given this life to live. How come things
have to happen to my family in this way. How come i have to
survive with this amount of money. How come i was given
this personality, or this body or this flaw. no, These** flaws.
and how when i just feel a little smart for once, something
changes that and i just end up feeling so stupid and dumb again.
so empty headed.

Yes being grateful is of course one thing, but sometimes,
you cannot help but look at your life, and want more.
And looking at the people around you who seem to have
so much more than you, and you do nothing wrong to
deserve any less, you wonder. and you keep wondering.
and you even keep wondering why the grass
is so damn green on the other side.

You cant blame me for feeling this way.
I'm human after all.
But i guess that's the sad thing about it.