11

hey so im coming here on a depressing note.
and its preeeetty weird cos i dont even know what im feeling and how im feeling, exactly.
and lemme just advice whoever reads this, dont cry when you already have a flu.
it does things to your nose which you will never want to experience.
i swear the no. of tissues used to mop up this dirty mess *<---k not literally ah.*
were dustbins full.

ANYWAYS, as i was saying.
so im feeling depressed cos i feel someone has left my side.
and all this time, i thought i didnt like anyone,
or at least, havent been able to.
but now, once i feel this certain detachment begin to widen up,
the thought of it makes me so fucking sick.
have i really actually been liking you all this while?
what i thought would have been a long lasting friendship
seems to be withering abit. and i dont even know what to think of it anymore.
my idea of whether you still want it, has been swinging back and forth.
everytime i feel like everything's changed and we're not what we were last time,
and when im on the verge of giving up, there's always some way that you
*magically* appear back into the picture.

so im thinking it was all based on friendship,
but somehow, im thinking its not.
perhaps it was more?
or perhaps im just being a little over petty.

so maybe im not good at separating myself from the people i feel i treasure.
or maybe, im just not good at separating myself from you.
im thinking, all i actually need, is you just being there, to tell me you're here with me
every single day.it may not really be a r/s based on smtg more than friendship, but i feel
that what's different from last time was i felt reassured knowing you were there.but now,
you're barely here.its kinda sad to think that i thought i could always have you there.
that nothing could or would destroy our friendship.okae, so saying our friendship's destroyed would be thoroughly exaggerating la.im just gonna hope and pray that it never would be.
so im thinking you have moved on in life, with someone who seems to be making you happy.
and im not one to hold back and stop things.
as long as youre happy, i guess i can say, i am.

but i know after i publish this blog post, somehow you'll start talking
and ill feel as if all i had written was utter rubbish.but knowing the
no. of times this has happened, i can expect ill feel like this again, in a matter of days time.


so im putting myself down, and sounding like a stupid emotional piece of shit,
but ahh.. Life, is weird.and we fall into ditches at times.but i suppose, though i may have one loss,
i still have so many left to help me through life.though your one loss will probably always be a big thing to me.ahhh,
so i think im contradicting myself.

WELL, lets just say, time to end the moroseness and move on with life eh?


goodnight and good day.
let's just pray that my nose decides to close its taps and stop its supply.
GAHH.